listening to myself...

It depends, really, on whether or not other people's opinions of me matter. What my friends think about me means a lot, and what my boyfriend thinks about me really matters. I value their opinions, but I do not think that it really alters the way i am and the decisions that I make. But like i said before, it depends. Let me explain what I mean... A lot of my friends don't like my boyfriend. At first it was like "wow... OK? what does that say about my choices?" But I never really let it change the way i felt about him. They kept telling me that he was really mean and not worth my time, and that i deserved way better than him. I looked them in the eye and told them that i didn't care, and that i liked him, and that i just hoped that they would too. now, most of my friends like him, and the ones who don't tolerate him. So it worked out. :-)

Another instance is when one of my closest friends told me that I look "different" in glasses and that they didn't like it. I looked right at them and said "get over it". That was the end of it. I am finally comfortable with the way I look, so i will not let people shoot me down. not anymore. I use to not stand up for what I believed in, and therefore got walked all over and people took advantage of me. (with school and friendship and stuff like that.) But I finally realised that I am me, and no matter what anyone else said, i would still be me. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but it does to me. The world still goes around no matter what someone says about you. at least that is how i look at it. Don't get me wrong, friends are more important to me then family is sometimes, and I value their opinions more than anyone else's, but I do not let it change the way I am. I don't think i would ever let someone convince me to do things like drugs and stuff. a couple of my friends smoke... it is not good for them and I dislike it, but i have no control over what they do, and I expect the same courtesy back from them.

What happens when you let your own values fall away? Well, then you become part of the blob. The blob is what I call the people who are all like each other. They do not have their own opinions because they are too worried about what the other members of the blob think about them. They become engulfed in the lives and the views of the popular majorities, and forget that they are individual people with feelings. They think that it is wrong to have their own opinion. I don't really understand people like that, but like a really awesome person once said to me "If we understood them, we would be just like them". And that is so true, for the most part. People who spend all their time trying to figure out why other people do the things they do, they end up acting just like them. ANYWAYS.....

I think that it takes courage to stand up for what you believe in. I mean, to really stick to your guns (NOT VIOLENT) about something that everyone else is against. That is courage. To say yes when everything around you says no.

Yeah, end of lecture... I am to tired to write something that is halfway interesting to read, so sorry if this was really boring and painful to read, or could possible have made no sense becuase i started this blog like... 3 weeks ago maybe? and am not in the same mindset that i was in then. so, it is what it is...