The Hoopster; The Man with a Thousand Hoops!

If I were to be a respectable super hero, unlike Superman (*winks*), I would definatly be The Hoopster; The Man with a Thousand Hoops! I would have a Hoopmobile!!! But really. All the hoops I have would be super compactable so I could carry many at once. I would be able to put other elements into the hoops, like fire, ice, and lemonwater. Naturally being the good natured guy I am, I would be a Hero! But that doesnt mean I spend all my time on other people. I would use my small hoops to hurt and distract my enemies, and then use larger hoops to trap and constrain them. Then the police could handel it. I would drive my super fast Hoop mobile to get from place to place as fast as a speeding hulahoop! Maybe I would even run people over.

~The Magnificant Adventures of The Hoopster!!~

One day, the Hoopster was riding around in the Hoopmobile in his hometown of Hoopenburg. If you don't know where that is, it is on the outskirts of Bavaria. It has a population of 600 people, half of which *happen* to be supervillians. The other three hundred are all janitors.
As the Hoopster was reminising about Sally Sue and the Hula Hoop Contest, he suddenly saw Superman coming out of the corner of his eye. The Hoopster decided to stop loligagging and take Superman head on. He alone knew the truth about Superman. He was once a good hero, but was corrupted by money, women, movie contracts, pencils with his name enscribed on them, and brightly colored spandex.
Moving on, the Hoopster leaped into action. The man of steel came hurdeling at him. The Hoopster dived to the right just in time. He began to take out as many hoops as he could and began throwing them. Fire, ice, pudding and paper hoops were no match for Supermans heatvision, so the Hoopster needed a new tactic.
He found a good hiding place, and called smokey the bear on his hoop shaped cell phone. He ordered the bear to get him as many kryptonite hoops as possible. Sure enough, Smokey arrived just in time, as Supermans heatvision was burning down the Bavarian forest. Smokey threw the rings at the Hoopster, yelled at Superman to not play with heatvision, and was disintigrated.
Out of a fit of rage, the Hoopster emerged, and galloped toward the arsenist. The Hoopster propelled these hoops at Superman until he was imobile, and powerless. And thus, Superman. Was. Defeated.
The janitors (that the Hoopster did not know were watching) erupted with applause. The Hoopster was not happy. He took the loss of Smokey hard, went on a three week drinking binge, and died of an overdose of sleeping pills. Our hero, is finally at peace.